I took on a long term sub job for 1st grade and it ended yesterday. I had no idea what I was stepping into but now that I’ve had a moment to breathe and reflect, I’m so glad God called me there for even just a short time.

I was at a school where EVERY child receives a free breakfast and almost every child qualifies for free or reduced lunches, the children come from homes that are broken and hungry with no support and the school administration is not doing its part to end the cycle but rather aid to it so it seems to almost every teacher there. The teachers are overworked, underpaid and the amount of pressure and stress they face daily is seen on every face I came across.

My heart was broken, I was frustrated more times than I can count and at the end of the day when yet another teacher would ask “Are you sure you want to do this?”; my answer was simple; “Yes”.

You see I’m not one of those people who has known their whole life they would be a teacher. I actually never in a million years would have imagined God taking me down this path but when you put your faith in Him and trust in Him, you are called to what and where He wants you to be. And I was called by Him so I’m not questioning it and I will strive to do the best I can.

It may have been three short months (although some days felt endless, lol), I pray and hope that I was able to let those babies know that Mrs. Cortez cared for them, that I prayed every night that they went to bed knowing someone was looking out for them, that they are smart and can make good choices and break the cycle.

It was bittersweet leaving yesterday. I was ready to leave a school where I didn’t have support, proper training, materials, lessons, etc., but I was also a little sad because I didn’t know if I had truly reached some of those kids.

I had a little boy who is stinking smart but got in trouble nonstop! Would not listen, was disrespectful, a bully, picked on everyone in class, and the only way he responded is if he was yelled at. When I called mom to voice my concerns, she simply said, “ok”. It broke my heart. I wanted him to just believe in himself and make good choices. I pulled him aside and told him to read his note from me carefully and keep it and pull it out anytime he felt mad or frustrated. I told him he is smart and that I know he can make good choices and that he is so special but to receive positive attention, you must make positive choices. When I hugged him good bye, my eyes started to swell up and I had to force myself from letting the tears stream down my face. As I type this, I don’t have to let them stop.

In that moment, I felt God’s presence over me and I thought, ok I get why You lead me here. As much as I hope I end up at the “perfect” school with the “perfect” administration and “perfect” parents, I also have to think back on my journey that God has lead me on so far in my life.

From leaving a domestic violence relationship to reporting on dangerous stories in dangerous areas to working as an advocate for domestic violence and picking up clients from their abusers to working in non-profit jobs where the heartache is endless and the hours are long and many times brutal and pay is close to nothing; God has never called me to the “perfect” easy path. He has lead me to where He knows I’m needed and looking back, I’m so grateful He has put me on this path. I mean don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind Him leading me down a path that landed me a job that paid more, lol. But honestly, the jobs I’ve been blessed to have in my life have paid more than any monetary amount and the lives touched and changed are priceless. I may not have a huge house, fancy car or designer clothes or shoes or anything for that matter, but I have a full heart and when I get an email from someone in college apologizing for not stepping in for me while I was in an abusive relationship or running into a past client that I haven’t seen in years tell me she’s living on her own, making her own money and away from her abuser or having a child hug you so tight and telling you they will miss you and that you were a great teacher, well to me that right there you can’t put a price tag on.

So I don’t know where I will be teaching next year. I hope for a great administrative support team and a teaching team that will encourage and motivate me and I hope my students have loving parents that care and are involved, but that’s not where I might be needed. God may be saying I’m calling you to this position because I need you to help those in most need and if He does call me there, I will answer. Because honestly, this journey has been amazing and I’ve learned so much and with Him leading the way, I know it will be worth it.