I’m a Christian and have a strong faith to follow His plans. Let me rephrase that; I try to have a strong faith in following His plans for me. It’s hard because I like to control things. I like having a plan and sticking to it and knowing what the outcome will be, no surprises, no setbacks, it’s safe and secure.

Well, that’s all nice and sounds great however; God is in control and His plans for us cannot be controlled by us. I’m constantly amazed by His plans for me and you would think with all the blessings He has bestowed on me, I would have better faith. But I’m not perfect and I struggle daily with just having faith He will provide. He WILL provide.

He has been talking to me for awhile now and I’ve listened but kinda told Him “I hear you, but it’s not the right time. Just give me another day, month, year.” I have thought He has sent me to where He wanted but I think I have known deep down it’s not what He wanted for me but what I thought I needed for my life. I must have faith but not only that I must act on it.

“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” James 2:17

Every time I’ve questioned something major in my life, lacked faith in something, I feel He has sent someone to help me (because He knows how stubborn and impatient I am). I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and through it all, I had the same best friend. She never called me stupid for staying with my abuser, she never stopped talking to me even when I would shut her out, she never gave up on me. I believe God put her in my life because He knew I would need her and that one day I would listen to her. She met my husband in college and instantly knew he was perfect for me. She tried for 7 years (kinda ironic how long it took and how long I was in that abusive relationship) to set us up. She never said we would be great to date or to just give him a chance, she always said we were going to get married. Well, 7 years later we ended up less than 2 hours from each other and I said yes to a date with him. I said yes to a date with him the week I told my room mate I was going to move back home. Home being 6 hours away. But something pulled at my heart to just say yes, just go on one date.

We just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary in July and have an amazing, beautiful 14 month old daughter. That was all His plan, not mine. I had given up on love, on getting married and never thought I would be deserving enough to be a mother; that was my plan. Again, His plans are so much more greater than what I could have imagined.

So now why do I worry so much? I hear Him loud and clear, I feel it in my heart what to do, I know He will provide but I’m still scared. I’m still worried. I’m still doubting my faith and I know that’s wrong. I ask for forgiveness and strength. I ask for reassurance that I’m hearing Him and not just doing what I want, but what He wants for me. But I still worry.

What is His plan for me?

Stay tuned….