My first full week at home with Ava was awesome! Our schedule however was not on track and I did end up subbing on Friday but I spent four full days with my little love and I realized how precious time really is and how fast they grown and change.

So because I’m a planner and a Type A,  I had prepared a schedule for each day last week with all the cleaning and cooking  I would get done because duh, I’ll have so much time because I’m at home all day. (all SAHMS laugh at this, go ahead you can). Reality check happened real quick. Well I forgot to schedule time to continue with my teaching certification so I moved cleaning the bathrooms to the next day and well because I’m not usually home, Ava was super excited to have me with her and so I put off deep cleaning the kitchen and laundry room for extra playtime with her and an afternoon nap. It was ok, I was going to be flexible and I would just make up for it tomorrow.

Then the next day came and Ava didn’t want to nap and just wanted me to rock her so ok now the bathrooms, kitchen and laundry room haven’t been cleaned. That’s ok, not going to freak out. I did get all laundry done this day and finished an assignment for my certification. I felt the day was not completely at a lost. I still was in control and the schedule would prevail.

By the third day, my “schedule” was completely off and more than half of my to-do’s were still incomplete and I was getting annoyed. I had planned to deep clean the whole house, make dinners and meal prep and finish a course with my teaching certification and all that was still looming. I texted my husband telling him I was disappointed in not getting everything done I had planned for to which he replied, ” You’re not the boss. You have a new boss that sets the schedule.” He was right which just added to my annoyance at the moment.

And right when I was about to get frustrated, I looked down to see my daughter playing and “reading” her book and then look up to me and say “Mama” and walk over to give me besos and I was reminded again why I’m home. She is my why. And I guarantee for every SAHM, that little girl or boy looking up at them is their why.

I feel so many people look down on SAHMs. I admit I even had a hard time saying it. When asked what I would be doing when I left my full-time (paying) job, I would reply with first “I’ll be subbing to get some experience as I finish my alternative teaching certificate. I’ll also stay home on days when I’m not subbing.” Why didn’t I say I would be a SAHM first? Why should I care if I get eye rolls or if they talk about me behind my back and mostly, why am I putting SAHMs down? My sister has been a SAHM for the last 3 years and I admire her so much. She’s seriously a Rock Star SAHM. I aim to be half the SAHM she is in this year of transition for me. Oh and to add to her Rock Star status, she has two little ones; a 3-year-old and an almost 15 month old (side fun note: our babies are just 9 days apart) and this woman cooks, cleans AND bakes all homemade items. Her house is spotless and her children are amazing. Seriously, she rocks!

I’ve learned in just this short week I’ve been at home that being a SAHM IS a full-time job. Those reading this and rolling your eyes or saying “yeah sure”, I advise you to stop. SAHMs do not get paid with a paycheck but with cuddles, extra besos and I love you’s. SAHMs do not get benefits like paid or even partially paid health insurance but they get the benefit of not missing a single second of their baby grow or walk or talk for the first time. SAHMs do not get vacation or sick time, they simply keep going. There is no 401 plan to invest in their retirement because you never retire as a mother. It’s not an “out” for working outside the home full-time and SAHMs shouldn’t be looked down on. For many SAHMs they ARE making a sacrifice to be able to stay at home. I’ve always loved having a career, working, getting a paycheck and knew I would be ready to go back to work after having my daughter. I truly believed that so when I ached to be home with my daughter, I didn’t know what to do or how to make this happen. Now after a year at working full-time outside the home, I’m home and yes there were sacrifices to be made. Less shopping on my part, less eating out on the whole family but I’m happy and at a peace I haven’t felt in a year. I love taking stroller runs with Ava, having breakfast together in the morning and going to the library for story time. Each day I feel she just grows and grows and she’s talking so much and starting to understand so much more and I’m here for it. I never knew or understood how a SAHM could be happy staying at home, I get it now. And not to say I think working outside the home is wrong. I understand having a career you love and making a difference in lives and I get that and I applaud working moms. Or the fact that you HAVE to work to bring in the extra income, I get that too. I worked in non-profit for almost a decade and non-profit typically isn’t bringing in the big bucks. It’s tough, I know, been there, done that and I feel for you on those days when your baby cries and only wants you but you have to drop them off and head in to the meeting asap or when you drop off your child and they don’t even blink and run off saying bye to you, the ache you feel that they are growing up so fast, I get that too. Had I had a career I loved, I may still be at that position. And I plan to return to working full-time outside the home in a field that I know I can make a difference so I’ll have those aches and pains again but also will set an example for my daughter that SHE can CHOOSE her path but also to remember what she chooses may not be in God’s plans so be open and trust in Him always. He will lead you and you must have faith.

Proverbs 16:9

I’ve started and stopped this blog for years…I started writing my journey as a survivor of domestic violence to a single girl living the life in a new city to planning a wedding to being pregnant to now being a mommy. Every time I would find some excuse to stop.

No more excuses. No more stopping.

I’m stepping out on faith and putting the pencil to paper or in this case, the finger to the keyboard.

I plan to write about my life, maybe you can relate to some or all of it. Maybe it will make you laugh, maybe it will make you cry, maybe you just need to read about what I’m going through and then you realize you are not alone either. We all have our ups and downs. We all go through storms. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone else to be there and say “me too”.

This morning’s devotional had the verse from Jeremiah 17:7-8 and it just pulled at my heart. It made me say do this now. No more excuses, let your voice be heard so here I go…