This is my absolute favorite verse and it came up in my devotional this morning. Another reassurance that God is in control & that He will provide. 

I’ve always been a career orientated person believing (sadly) that your career can define you, your success, your accomplishments. I always strived to do my best & wanted a career to show how successful I could be. 

Not until I became a mother did my perspective change. I no longer referred to myself as a non-profit guru or Volunteer Coordinator or whatever title I had, I was first & foremost a mother. 

Being a mother is the toughest job I’ve had but it’s the only job I’ve had that I never want to lose. The pay is nonexistent, your benefits are in endless hugs & kisses & paid vacation is hitting up the public library for a free story time. But with that, I wanted it more, every day. I craved for those snuggles, I missed those smiles & laughs & I cried every Monday…and sometimes on Tuesdays & Wednesdays & well sometimes every day of the week dropping off my daughter. 

I braced myself for everything I possibly could have before having my daughter: breastfeeding/formula, crib/cosleeping, disposables/cloth diapers, anything that I could mentally prepare the choices I would have, I prepared for them. I had plans & back up plans. The one thing I didn’t plan: feeling completely devastated returning to work. 

It took me by shock. I loved my job, loved working, had a great team, I had a career & had plans to advance further in my field. But something was missing, something was wrong, I wasn’t happy. The happiness that filled me before with work had been replaced & tripled with the amount of love I had for my daughter. But I didn’t want to admit that to anyone. After all, women had fought so long & hard to get to a point where they didn’t have to “just stay home & raise the children”. What kind of example would I be setting? What kind of disappointment would I be for all womankind? Yes-I really thought these things. Insert eye roll & spitting out your drink. 

I was ashamed to admit I wanted to be a stay at home mom. (Gasp 😳😫). And why? Because I cared what others thought? Because I knew some people would be disappointed? Why did I care? 

Why-because unfortunately this world has embarked public opinion on everyone & everything & everyone feels so inclined to share their opinions. Many in not so nice a way either. 

I fought this feeling for 12 months. For 12 months, I pushed through each and every day with the hope I would get better, I would feel that love for my job like I used to. I even switched jobs thinking that would help. But nothing helped, I still felt pain every morning leaving & my heart ached to be home with my daughter. 

So I went to the Word & prayed even harder. Prayed differently. Instead of asking God to “make” me love my work again I asked Him to show me His way, His plan for me. I honestly thought it would be a new job or fingers crossed the lottery, a girl can dream. But what God started doing & telling me was not expected. I felt Him calling me to trust in Him, quit my job & stay home. But I was terrified. I had crunched the numbers a million times & we couldn’t do it. I kept praying & He kept leading me to stay at home. Then as He does, He sent someone to me. A volunteer I was interviewing at work one day told me she was a high school journalism teacher & I replied with “that’s cool, I have my degree in broadcast journalism” and her immediate response startled me “would you ever consider teaching?”. I was thrown off, said no & explained I wasn’t certified & then she provided me with more info than I could handle. I put the idea in the back of my mind but didn’t really think about it anymore. 

Fast forward 3 months later, on the day I received word I did not get a job I had interviewed for. I was feeling down, lost. Then a text appeared from that volunteer telling me about teacher openings. I finally stopped and said “ok God, I hear you.” 

I’m currently enrolled in an online alternative teaching certification program, will be taking my content test soon and have been hired on to substitute at some local ISD’s. I finally listened to God, am stepping out in faith & putting my trust in Him. Putting my trust in His plan, not mine.